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Glover (Somarinoa)
Glover (also known as GloveRemake) is an edgy, dark, far grittier remake of the original Glover. In the game, Glover is voiced by Danny Glover, who has smoked for forty years too long to obtain the perfect gravely-voice just for this role. Because of succeeding in getting Danny Glover on project, his old catchphrase "I'm getting to old for this ████" has become Glover's catchphrase as well. The game is also a crossover, as Glover's two archnemeses in this game are Master Hand and Crazy Hand. Other hand-based characters appear as cameos throughout the game, such as It from The Addams Family and the DanHand from Medievil 2 during an undeath-themed zone. Gameplay Like the first game, Glover must rescue crystals by guiding his ball around the six worlds; however, unlike the first game, there are now 9-12 levels (called zones in-game) per world—there is still at least one boss per world and a bonus stage. The ball, storywise, is heavily technological and can therefore transform itself to suit Glover's needs. These include a rubber ball, a metallic marble, a magnetic ball, an ameobic Spider Ball, a spiked ball, a crusher, an irradiated crystal form and a constantly exploding sphere known as the Power Ball. Glover's ball can be rolled, bounced, thrown, kicked, punched, spun, slapped, or walked on top of. While walking on the ball, the controls are reversed (except on Loser difficulty). Walking on the ball is automatic while moving the ball across water or other liquid bodies (including pools of gut paste); however sulfuric acid and lava will quickly eat away at the ball. Glover can also collect tarot-like cards (known as "Garibs") which allow him to access the bonus stages if he collects all of the Garibs in a given world. Various health-increasing items can be found to keep Glover alive, although being bitten by a zombie on harder difficulties, even once, causes a permanent time limit to slowly lead to Glover's demise, which must be kept up with until the game is actually beaten; letting the timer run out leaves Glover to die and getting a game over; however, on the hardest game difficulty, getting bit and having your timer run out lets you get to play as your own reanimated corpse; beating the game as this undead Glover form allows it to be unlocked for later play. Glover can also enter various modes naturally, specifically the Idle Hand and Withered Hand mode. Idle Hand mode can be reached by either using the taunt button, which causes Glover to make obscene gestures at opponents and taunting them into attacking him with increased fervor for a small increase to the bar that will slowly fill up; however it can be accessed even faster by opening up the core of the very fragile Crystal Ball to bathe Glover in a stream of irradiated crystal energy and allowing him to gain a steady increase to this progress bar. The more crystals gathered over the course of the game, the faster the progress bar will fill up through bathing. To access Withered Hand mode, one must allow their Crystal Ball to be shattered while the core is open, OD'ing Glover on irradiated energy. Hand Forms Idle Hand The idle hand is a super beefed up version of Glover, which causes his eyes to glow red, his "body" to darken and his mass to "hulk out" slightly; his personality becomes more savage and brutish and he no longer has the mental capacity to work with his ball, which will simply roll to a halt, presumably. Instead, large swathes of foes will be summoned onto the scene to try and stop Glover, and he will switch to a beat 'em up mode where his controls are remapped for physical combat as opposed to moving a ball around. One move, however, includes grabbing the ball and swinging it around, which is the only real use the idle hand has for the ball. Unfortunately this transformation is timed and once it times out Glover will revert to normal, vision slightly blurred and stumbling about a little until he comes back into contact with the ball or summons a new one if the old one has now traveled too far away to be practical. Withered Hand The withered hand is extremely weak, essentially having difficulty defeating even the simplest of foes, while also taking 4x normal damage. This mode's time limit actually grows longer the more crystals have been obtained, which is an obvious con to spending too much free time bathing in the purple light of the core. The withered hand's real goal is to simply survive until the weakness wears off and Glover returns to normal, allowing him to once again summon his ball. Ball Modes Rubber Ball The rubber ball has the greatest trajectory and speed change, able to go flying off by simply bouncing, slapping, throwing or bouncing on it, however it is also one of the hardest to get accustomed to as it changes direction and barely loses any speed when it hits a corner, which can be dangerous if not used properly. It also does only minimal damage to foes, though it does have the pro of being particularly hard for most enemies to hit once its speed is maxed out (called redshifting). Metallic Marble This first metal form for the ball offers precise control to allow for throwing and slapping the ball much more carefully. However it lacks the capabilities of the rubber ball for (hopefully) obvious reasons. Magnet Ball The magnet ball allows the attraction of any magnetic metal to it, so long as it is small enough to be attracted, or the magnet ball will instead be attracted towards larger magnetic objects. This can be used for quick traveling or even to transform the ball into a sort of "bullet" to kill or severely injure difficult opponents. The magnet ball however will continuously attract metal to itself until shut off, allowing it to accumulate massive levels of trash and dust to itself, thereby potentially creating a huge sphere that would otherwise be impossible to use. The bigger the ball's mass, however, the slower it is to pick up speed, by far. If the mass gets too great however, it will collapse into a black hole, sucking the entire level into itself. Spider Ball The Spider Ball is created by switching the ball's chemical compounds to half-mercury, causing it to melt into a puddle of goo which will envelop Glover if he chooses to lay flat in it (when it is still) or curl into a fist (when it is in motion). The Spider Ball is sticky, allowing it to adhere to just about any surfaces and allowing access to many otherwise-unreachable locations. The Spider Ball however is not durable in the least, and if it is hit it does direct damage to Glover instead, simply going right through its liquid body and hitting his solid one in the midst of it. As its con, spending too much time in Spider Ball mode starts to make Glover get woozy, leading to blurry sight and visual hallucinations in the form of walls and enemies popping up where they're not or disappearing entirely where they actually are (though since this is only a hallucination they are most certainly still in the area... or not, as the case may be, depending). Spiked Ball The spiked ball is built for intense destruction of environments, while the spikes allow it to stick to surfaces effortlessly. One must be very careful to make sure they will make it up a wall however as if the spiked ball loses all its momentum on a wall it will simply stick and must be summoned back to Glover—this does has its uses such as accessing otherwise inaccessible pathways. Enemies hit by the spiked ball will be crushed if ran over but can also be impaled on the side-facing spikes. The spiked ball is the second slowest ball type, behind the crusher. It also sinks deep into water. Crusher The crusher is less like a ball and more like a steamroller wheel. It is used specifically for mutilating foes, crushing them disgustingly underfoot and leaving behind nothing but a (usually) meaty paste. It is the slowest ball form by far, but picks up speed the fastest down inclines and loses speed the fastest up them. However it can very easily waste large hordes of enemies if used properly. However, the Crusher takes physical damage over time, being made of only stone, and it occasionally chips; once it has chipped enough it will crack and fall apart, and not be usable until the next zone. Crystal Ball While extremely fragile, it also utilizes the crystals that Glover has picked up thus far as its very core, and when opened will irradiate him, bathing him in unnatural purple-hued energy. This is the fastest way to obtain and enter Idle Hands Mode. However, if it is destroyed it will oversaturate Glover and transform him into a weakened, withered version of himself known as Withered Hand Mode where he must survive on his own until he gets his strength back in time and is able to summon his ball again. Power Ball The Power Ball is unlocked either through cheating, during certain modes of multiplayer deathmatch and similar game modes, or by beating the game on Hard mode. It is constantly bouncing in place, releasing localized explosions every time it contacts a surface, which can very easily kill opponents. However, all of its stats are altered in strange ways: for instance, trying to cause it to throw will simply teleport it to the next surface it would have hit and Glover will then be summoned to it by a sort of quasar beam that fires out of the Power Ball as it makes contact with that new wall. The Power Ball is indestructible but occasionally its explosions are duds. Characters Master Hand thumb|left|Master Hand in his youththumb|Master Hand, still attached to his parent body Prof. Fantomos and operating a mechanical prosthetic to appear normal (Crazy Hand is shown exposed) Master Hand is one of the two primary antagonists, alongside his brother, Crazy Hand, seeking to create a Hands-Only empire "free from the tyranny of arms" known as The Phalangy. The two control a large army of hand-based monsters and other foes, but are rivaled by a small rebellion who understand the necessity of "arms and other body parts", consisting of Glover, It and DanHand, known as The Fist. The masterminds of this new empire have entrapped all other entities possessing more than "just a hand and perhaps an arm if absolutely necessary" within the prison realm known as Limbo (Get it? Limb-O?? ...ah, forget it). In this story it is revealed that Master Hand is in fact the grown up cursor from Mario Paint, after having been separated from his parent body, that of Hamilton G. Fantomos, the state college professor who would eventually become known as The Phantom Limb. It also reveals that he was formerly in league with other anatomy-based villains such as Mother Brain and Bigfoot, though at the time of the game he has seemingly betrayed these individuals to focus upon his own goals. Master Hand, alongside his brother holes up in the Phalangy's headquarters, the Manipulum, from which they control the Phalangy's machinations. Theme Song The commercials for Glover feature a 5-second white text over black screen warning of the disturbing content held within before cutting to the electropop song, I Love It by Swedish Band Icona Pop, though the lyrics "I Love It" have been slightly (and somewhat poorly) edited to come out sounding as "I Glove It". Video features Glover performing numerous gory abilities such as running over and crushing foes under his giant ball as well as transforming into "Idle Hand Mode". Several dramatic and violent scenes from the storyline are also featured. The commercial's volume is loud, even for a typical commercial. Trivia *This Glover remake was created as a simple joke posted on Somarinoa's Facebook page out of sheer boredom, at around 12:30 AM on June 21, 2013. The original two posts (minus links provided) read thusly: "I seriously hope they go and remake Glover from the Nintendo 64 and make it a dark, grittier remake more in line with modern games (he'd probably roll his ball over stuff and they'd explode in gore or something) and the commercials for it would always be on and would play to Icona Pop - I Love It and we all just kill ourselves. — Feeling: making ████ up out of sheer boredom.", followed about a minute later with: "And since you're probably too immature to know who I'm referring to: He would be voiced by a gravely-voiced Danny Glover who's been smoking for forty years too long and his arch-nemeses would be Master Hand and Crazy Hand." 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